These Phrases given by A Father Which Helped Us when I became a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

However the reality rapidly proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her chief support in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You must get assistance. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on mums and about PND, less is said about the difficulties dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger inability to open up between men, who often hold onto damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a display of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a pause - going on a short trip overseas, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "bad actions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their pain, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."